This is the text of a speech given by a birthmother at the 2007 Birthmother's Day Picnic:
Birthmother's Day is a day to honor and remember the motherhood experience of birthmothers, the women who placed their children in adoption. It is held on the second Saturday in May, the day before Mother's Day.
Birthmother's Day was created in 1990 by a group of Seattle, Washington birthmothers who met each other at a birth parent support group. It grew out of the shared recognition that Mother's Day is one of the most painful days of the year - second only to the birthday of our children. Yet birthmothers have been shut out of the traditional celebration and remembrances of the holiday. Most birthmothers are neither named nor recognized among the mothers in our midst. For most birthmothers there are no cards or flowers. Society treats the motherhood of the birthmother as a momentary event that fades quickly from the collective memory.
A girl has many dreams of grown-up life when she is young: dreams of Prince Charming, her wedding, her house, and her kids. How many children will she have? What will they look like? Will they be boys, or girls? She thinks of their names. Never does a young girl think to herself, "I want to be a birthmother".
We never dreamed we would one day find ourselves in the position of having to make one of the most painful choices ever made in our lives. A choice that not only changed our life, but our family's life and the life of another family. This choice gave us the title of Birthmother.
When it comes to birthmothers, one size doesn't fit all. One of the most persistent myths is that they're unwed teenagers. Not so. Truth is, a birthmother (or "first mother", as they're also known) could be anyone: the girl next door, the woman in the next cubicle at work, your child's teacher, or a favorite aunt or cousin. In other words, women from all walks of life.
As birthmothers, we took the road less traveled. We did what we thought was best for our children and our lives at that time. Just because our children are not physically with us, does not mean we do not love them and cherish them.
In our birthmother's support group, I think I can safely say for all of us, that we don't feel like we have lost our child, but we feel we have gained an extension to our family. We have all chosen some form of an open adoption which has worked out to our expectations. We enjoy the time we get to spend with our children, and we also enjoy seeing our child bonded with their mom and dad. To watch them grow older and see how they interact with their families fills our hearts with so much love and admiration.
This is a poem that I wrote for my mother and I think it applies to all mothers whether you are a birthmother, natural mother, foster mother, or an adoptive mother. It is of course called:
MOTHER'S DAY
My mommy who brought me into this world, loved, cared, and played with me.
Others could not do what my mommy could do for me.
This is a day where I can show how much my mommy means to me.
Hearing my mommy's soft and gentle voice, make everything beautiful to me.
Everywhere I am my mommy is with me.
Rivers of tears are mostly for the happiness my mommy has taught me.
Sadness always leaves when mommy talks to me.
Days go by without talking to my mommy, but I know in her hearts is talking to me.
Angels dance around my mommy, and now they dance around me.
You see now, why my mommy means the world to me?